Welcome to Strategy + Action
April 13, 2022

Ep37 Steve Spiro - The Power of Connecting Authentically


Today on the show, Strategy + Action = The Power of Connecting Authentically

Steve Spiro is on the show today. And we dig into one of my favorite topics in the world, which is connecting. And we both use this term very purposefully and strategically because it goes far beyond what a lot of folks would a pile of simply networking: meeting new people, growing your business that way, etc.  

That is one part of Connecting, certainly.  And for us, networking is not a "four-letter word".  Some people have a negative connotation to it around being forced to go to a Chamber of Commerce meeting or something like that. 

The other reason for the term, though, is that it goes deeper than just networking.  It's not simply meeting somebody, and maybe you'll do business together one day.  It's really leading with the fact that my goal is to connect with this other person, learn their story, dig in, and see what they're all about.  And then maybe there's  business to be done, or I know someone who needs their service or whatever that might be.  

But it's that connection first. 

We really talk about this concept of connecting authentically, and we go deep into what that actually means.  Because it's one thing to have your intention be that connection that I just described, but it's a completely different thing for the other person to feel it. And there are some things that go into it that may seem like, "I shouldn't have to think about that. That's just being a human."

But often, there are very purposeful things that we need to do to make sure that the other person feels that intent that we have.  So I encourage you to dive into this episode with us and if you have that negative connotation of networking or things like this, hopefully, this gives you a different perspective on that and will help ease those fears or anxiety around it.

Transcript

Today on the show, Strategy + Action =  The Power of Connecting Authentically.

Welcome to Episode 37. of strategy and action, Steve Spiro is on the show today, and we dig into one of my favorite topics in the world, which is connecting. And, you know, we we both use this term very purposefully, strategically, because it goes far beyond what a lot of folks would kind of lump into a pile of networking, you know, meeting new people growing your business that way, etc, etc, right. And that's a layer of it, there's, there's part of that, for us, networking is not a, you know, a four letter word it out that some people just like, oh my gosh, that's the idea of it. And they have this, this picture of going into a horrible Chamber of Commerce meeting or something like that, that they're forced into. And it's awful, we don't have that connotation, but we understand that a lot of people do. And the other reason for the for the term, though, is that it goes deeper than that. It's not just meeting somebody, and maybe you'll do business together one day, it's really leading with the fact that my goal is to connect with this other person, right? Learn their story, dig in, see what they're all about. And then, you know, maybe there's there's business to be done, or I know someone who needs their service, or whatever that might be. But it's that connection first. And then specifically, we're getting, we really talk about this concept of connecting authentically, and we dig in deep of what that actually means. But we go through it. Because it's one thing to have your intention be that connection that I just described. But it's a completely different thing for the other person to feel it. And there's some things that go into it that may seem counterintuitive, that may seem like oh, I shouldn't have to think about that, that's just being a human. But a lot of times, there's very purposeful, there are very purposeful things that we need to do to make sure that the other person feels that intent that we have. So I encourage you to, you know, dig in deep with this. And if you have that negative connotation of maybe networking or things like this, hopefully this gives you a different perspective on that and well help ease those, those fears of anxiety around it, maybe. Alright, let's dive in. 

Welcome to the show, everybody. I am so excited. We are here with Steve Spiro. Steve, how's it going?

So tremendous. Jason doing really well. How about yourself?

Oh, just wonderful. I really wanted to have you on this episode talking about about connecting, but really specifically, what you know, you really have that intimate knowledge with is, is connecting authentically, right. And so I think not only do you have experience in that area, but you've made it such a purposeful focus of your life that you'd be perfect to jump in and talk about, it's certainly one of my favorite topics and focuses in life. Before we even dig into that, though, you know, around the topic of connecting, but also just everything you have going on, because it's it's a lot right now. What do you have going on? And how does connecting kind of fit into that?

I appreciate that. And first, I want to say it's an honor and a real privilege to be on your show and, you know, big admirer of what your your work and what you do and I really grateful to be on with you. So thank you for the opportunity. Yeah, I mean, so, you know, it's funny, I you know, those who who maybe have not heard me before, you know, I'm known as the master connector. And just just to kind of preface that, you know, I've had I've always had a lot going on in my life. You know, I was, you know, giant turned and picked on bullied learning disabled dyslexic guy as a kid, one up eventually going into advertising eventually. My dad had a liquor store. He was a business owner. So entrepreneurship was always in my blood. But he dissuaded me from going into industry and I want to go into advertising marketing with high school for that kind For that couldn't get a job at a college to start a company did that for a lot of years, I had an illustrious career, that industry went up, you know, eventually getting introduced to a successful entrepreneur who really was a game changer in my life and, you know, took me on his way into that imagined role and kind of got me on this path of self development books and audios and networking. And when, when, when the economy shifted, I was ready to pivot. And I wound up getting into technology, and eventually into consulting, which is one of the things I do, I'm a business automation consultant. So that's, that's kind of what I do during the day. You know, in and around all that. I do some do some other things. I've got a LinkedIn live show, called the master connector show, I do some speaking. And I've got some other entrepreneurial projects. And so you know, people find what I do often a conundrum. And you know, when you do a lot of networking, like I've done over the years of, I have 70,000 contacts in my phone, 16,000 LinkedIn connections, and for some people like you, Jason, I'm sure that's not a lot. But but for, you know, most people when they ask you what you do, they want to put you in a cute little box, you know, he's an attorney, she's a CPA, etc. And that'll fit in that queue box. And when people ask me what I do, and I would tell him, I'd hear back, I don't get it. I'm like, just call me master connector. And that name was sort of born. So. But yeah, so as far as what's kind of going on, you know, this show has been going tremendous. We're having a lot of fun. We are now shifted our we are in season two shifted our broadcast. To Wednesdays at 1pm. Eastern, we went with a half hour format we were doing before we were doing multiple guests, three or four panelists, we've had some incredible people on Dr. Dre was on our show, we had the author of the book, the go, the Go Giver, Bob Berg was on our show and some amazing guests. But now we're gonna go focus on one single guest and keep it to a half hour. And so we're excited about that. And we've got some sponsorships in the show. So it's really been a lot of fun. And we're actually leveraging the the master connector brand. And we're doing some workshops, we've got a workshop lined up on June 7 and eighth Tuesday on a Wednesday afternoon, Eastern Standard Time, for three hours each day and it's gonna be a blast. And it's really been a bit of fun run, you know, doing doing the what I'm working with my co host, Cameron Toth Cameron has been great. He's a, he's the founder of tat, Toth event, staffing. And he also has a show that he does called bizdev Live, which I was always impressed when I watched him do a show. So anyway, it's been a blast life lights fun, you know, getting speaking gigs, and just having a good time and getting on to talk with amazing people like you, Jason.

Well, I appreciate that. And it was it was a blast being being a guest on on your live show there in the past. And

you were one of those amazing people? That's correct. Well, yeah, I

mean, you know, some people say the best episode ever, I don't know, you know, that's just for other people to say, yeah, that's, I agree with that. Word on the street is you know, best ever, but you know, whatever, you know, I love this, this, focus on connecting. And I want to dig into, you know, for the audience, and everything's some really some principles around, especially doing it authentically and stuff. And I think we both have some of that, that we can kind of dig into, but even before going down there, since you've made connecting, is such an integral part of your just brand identity and human identity and all of that. Where does it cuz you talk about people being confused, let's say, you know, like, Okay, you're connected. What does that mean? Right? I think one answer is, well, let them be confused, you know. But the other the other question, though, and I'd love to figure out an answer here is, how does it mean something in the business side of thing, how does it? How does it relate beyond the tool for whatever else you're doing? Which it's an invaluable tool for that networking, talking about being a networker and all of that. When you are standing there, like this is my main focus in life. Some people could take the soft side of like, oh, connecting, you know, they take that like, oh, cool, you meet and talk to people. Who cares, but I think I have my own answers for this. But what are your answers in terms of where's the substance to have? Is that a word substantive? I can't say it if it is word. I know it's up though. What's the MIDI? What's the MIDI part of that? You know, folks? Yeah,

it's great. You know, I didn't call myself the master connector and the master Network. Okay, I call myself the master connector, because I think there's a lot more to that, right. So connecting keynote can mean of course, you know, connecting with more people and having a lot, you know, a large network, right, you know, a large connections. So there's, there's, of course that piece of it. There's also how you could be a connector where you know, you're you're, you're able to leverage your, your network, your connections, and allow that to be an asset. So you can make some introductions and help connect the dots with people, right. So there's that piece of it. But I think we're I gravitate more on besides those things. And those are definitely aspects of what being a connector the master connector is, is true.

But the other part is

the the connecting authentically part. And I think that's so important today, more now than ever before, in this new normal that we're living, right? Social media has become so important. And that's good and bad, right. But we, this part of the fiber of our, of our society today, right, everything happens often on social media, it's how families seem to stay in touch through social media, you know, so and so. And I think also, we've seen, you know, cyber bullying, we've seen all these other things, but we've also seen people create, I think, a false perception of what they're about through social media, right? I think I see these, you know, and I'm not a big Instagram guy, but you see it a lot on Instagram, especially where, you know, somebody claims to be this, you know, PMA, or business coach guru, they just self proclaimed, and they put up some posts, and now they're like, this, this guru person, right? Or they, you know, they're, they're probably broke by most standards, but they're showing their lifestyle, as you know, they're, they're jet setters, they're going to, you know, to this exotic place, and that is me last probably just a week of their life. And they, they probably put themselves in $50,000 credit card debt to do it. But they want people think they have this, this lifestyle, this this persona, and meanwhile, it's not authentic, it's not who they truly are. Now, don't get me wrong, there's some value to kind of trying to create a brand and want to beat you and grow into that. And being the best connector. There's been some of that for me. But I think on the social media side, it's how do you connect with your, your connections with your audience, etc. In your messaging, whether it be through video, when you putting out video, whether you put out messaging, and it's being honest and authentic, and you know, you know, Britney Brown and, and she talked about being vulnerable, and all that, and just showing you the human side of you, rather than on this really cool, you know, great person, right? But but show the other side of you who you are, be human. And so connecting through social media in a more authentic way is one thing. Because what I think what that does, is it people are drawn to it. I think people are smart now. And they know, okay, this person is on for real, you know, they want to thank them. So, if you're looking to attract the right audience, and to track people that might want to do business with you, somehow someway, being authentic is going to help you. The other side of being authentic, I find is on video calls, right? And phone calls, but especially video costs, and how do you connect? And what's that look like? You know, are you You know, you know, simple things like what's your background, how you dressed, you know, are you looking in the person you know, you know, in their eyes, right? I mean, right now, I'm looking at the camera. So I'm appearing like, I'm looking in your eyes, right? There's, there's things you can do, right, you're making sure you're not distracted with, you know, playing with your phone or whatever, or you know, there's another thing I see a lot and I understand it, but people have multiple screens, but sometimes their cameras on one screen and they're the view of the person or speak to his on another and so they talk they're talking like this the whole time and I'm thinking who you talk to to talk to me you know, so it's how do you connect and really create a bond you know, and really get to know each other and there's there's lots of things you know, and I've learned over the years Listen, we all know this this is this has been around since since probably the eighth the beginning of time. This is the saying being people like to do business with people that they know they know like and trust, right? So you know, the know like and trust part. If you're not connecting, especially authentically, there is going to be a barrier that's created and you're not going to be able to get the to do the type of business you're looking to do again I'm talking maybe in business but also in relationships right. So it's that and then you know, the other part of it is when you meet people out and about living your life which we're starting to do again more thank God you know, how do you connect with somebody where you meet them for the first time out and about and like wow, that was a pretty cool dude I like to I like to to stay in touch with This person and maybe somehow figure out a way that this person could be in my life and or you, you have the ability to connect with somebody on that level, even if it was a chance quick meeting for three, four or five minutes? And how do you connect that way? And the tangibility that you ask him about Jason is? Are you using connection to really row relationships? That perhaps Perhaps can be more meaningful relationships? And or perhaps turn it to business? Right? Because, you know, let's be honest, right? Often we're, you know, we have to earn a living, right, you know, and, and so it's not always about, you know, this fufu feel good stuff we had, it has to relate to business as well, sometimes. So. So look, learning how to connect authentically to be able to do that is super important.

Yeah. And it's, it's a strange subject for some folks, because the idea of having to be purposeful in that, I think some people hear the well, you need to be authentic, like, oh, I need to go manufacture How to Be authentic. Like, that's not what we're saying, you know, like, it's almost like listening, right? You can hear everything somebody is saying to you. But do they feel like you hear everything you're saying to you, right. And so part of this, that you're describing is exactly that, in that connection, and coming across authentic some, there, there are some decisions you have to make in order to make sure that who you really are inside deep, all your things like are coming out. And that doesn't just happen, right? In our everyday life, much less with new people virtually in person, all of that and, and some people may look at that as tactics, but it's really just these purposeful decisions. And when those decisions are made from a place of like, a bigger place of, here's my outcome, here's what I want to achieve is, you know, my true self coming out, really getting to know this person. And if if I am gonna go have this conversation with somebody, I don't know, tomorrow, off of LinkedIn. That openness, just like I'm just curious, I want to know what's going on. And yes, sometimes it'll lead to business. Sometimes it'll lead to an introduction of this sometimes, it'll be like, oh, man, I didn't know that restaurant existed. That's fantastic. But I think there's, there's something to just this humaneness, even when it's virtual. Right. Right, that and that it's powerful. And, and the tools and the reason to have a conversation around it and put it in at the forefront of people's minds is to let people know that the people they feel maybe feel connected to, they've watched their stuff, or they've had a call with men like, wow, that was amazing. doesn't just happen, they're not just like that those there's those those decisions, like we said, you know, that they've made to be that way and to come across that way. So that that other person does get heard and make sure they felt heard and connected to? That's Yes, a lot of you know, I'm sure what you kind of teach people to do and certainly, that you do in your everyday life. Yeah, no doubt. I mean, I

appreciate that. And, yeah, yeah, I mean, certainly, one of my signature talks, you know, when I do speaking, is on connecting authentically because I think it's a very, very important topic. When you lead with about yourself, not just, Well, tell me about yourself, well, I you know, I do advertising or, you know, I am, I'm a speaker, okay, great. And when I get that when I have these introductory calls, these connecting calls, I say, I'm very polite about it, I say, you know, it's great, you know, and we could we could do the what do you do? What do you do dance but But what I'd love to get to know you better, I'd like to, I'd like to hear I'll give you my story. I'm, I'm happy to tell you a little bit about my background. But you know, the whole nine yards you know, born and raised and, and sometimes when you open up and you show who you are now people have a tendency to open up. And what I find happening often I feel like it happened with you and me when we initially talked Jason, is the kids get to talk, you know, that the you know, the Yeah, the adults are talking but now the kids are getting to talk and there's a kind of a bond going on. And it's beyond just, you know, it becomes very human, like you said, you know, and so super important. I think if you really want to excel in all realms, if you're engineer or if you're a technician and you really talented, you'll go so far, but if you're really good technician and really talented and you can deal with people sky's the limit. Right? So the having those skills that really be able to connect and bond with somebody will take your places. Yeah.

And that's what I'm glad you brought that up too. Because I think that's the other reason I'd love to put this topic at the forefront for folks is the same reason you didn't, you know, start going around the master networker, right master connector, because there is a distinction, there's a difference because it applies. It's such a broader, bigger level than networking, and especially, you know, I, I love the term, but there's plenty of people out here as soon as they hear networking, right. Like, that's just, they think of the horrible, you know, meeting they have to go to and their business,

almost prostitution by younger folks, they think of it like they equate networking prostitution almost in the same category almost.

Right. Right. And it's just like this negative convert connotation that hangs over it. But also, it's also because it applies much broader, like you're saying, You ideally, have a connection in so many different areas of your life, personal business and, and everything and just, you know, meeting the person at the store, you know, that you're, yeah, you happen to meet, like you had some of those stories that you've shared that just this fantastic is, but you made that purposeful decision, that this is the kind of person I'm going to be, right, I made a decision years ago to be somebody who knows everybody is that connector, and I was the furthest thing in the world from that, right. But there was just something in there just like, wow, that's sort of be that and there's, and then, as I've cultivated that, and started doing shows like this, and it ignited even more just fed it and it was like, Oh, this is this is my oxygen, right. And that may not ever igniting someone to the level that does for for you and I. But when you can recognize it as that's a that's a valuable skill, if I can relate to my son or daughter better if I could relate to the guy in the cubicle better than my life is probably going to be better, as well.

Yeah, yeah, it's true. I mean, you know, you talked about, you know, you alluded to going to getting outside of yourself and reaching out and that's another one of my favorite topics, which it relates it to some degree, which is kind of going from being sort of inward focused, self focused, self absorbed to others focus being a Go Giver, and I found, you know, on the on the networking thing, right, you know, we were in the middle of lockdown, and then COVID up and then up in the northeast, it was super locked down. He was, it was so much it was you know, you there was a tendency to feel kind of closed down. But when I was able to reach out and get on to networking group calls and get on and get around me, even though virtually around people, it felt better, you know, I felt not as isolated. And and when I you know, when I'm out and about now and you know, even during COVID I'll just talk to people because when I talk to people, and I even I'm shy, introverted, right, it's not my nature. When I talk to other people, they make the effort to really reach out and to make a connection. I feel better, right? There's a there's a gut instinct is that at least for me, I just want to be inward. But if I fight it every day, and go outward, focused, and when I do it, I feel better.

That's a great, that's a great point too, because it I'm not introverted. I look like it's oxygen for me to connect, when talk to people. I still don't do it enough. Right. I still, in the past few months have found myself. Well, I got stuff to do, right? I'm head down, focused on stuff just like, it's like exercise. Like, we may, we may or may not love it. But it's so good for us. And when we put ourselves through it, and we do it, we're just like, Yeah, I'm glad I did that. And that's, that is it's such a, it's such a strong, strong distinction. So if you're, you're someone who's not just like, Oh, I'm not doing that, you know, what they don't know how it or there's some first steps that you recommend for people to kind of get outside of that comfort zone. Because they do see the value in connecting.

So just take a step right? So if you're on social media and somebody wants to connect with you and have a conversation, have the sticky conversation. Don't think overthink it, right? If you're If you're out and about in the community, just say, Hello, you'd be surprised, you know, say something, you know, and that's what I've, I've learned to do. And every time I've done it, I feel better now you might get a funny reaction and I don't take it personal, you know, I, when I'm out and about and it talked to people, I attempt to talk to people, I look at it like petting a dog, you know, you get one of three reactions, right? The dog either, you know, licks your hand and wags his tail, and it's, you know, wants to jump all over you in a good way. Right? And that means they want to take a dog, it's like a golden retriever, right? Or the other is, you know, you sort of, you got to pet the dog, and then dopamine pitcher, if you will, and they're like, are you know that, you know, okay, that's it, I'm gone, you know, or the third being kind of more like a cat, maybe, right? Cats don't typically care. They're like, they're in their own world. It's like, you know, and you could talk to somebody, and they just sort of walk away, they don't care. It's like, it's not like, you know, they just don't let it go you. And the funny thing is, I'll give you a quick story on that note. So I was, you know, again, you may I think we've talked about this before, but I have a goal every day, especially before COVID, where I'm out and about. Now, the goal shifted to more social media base, but to meet three total strangers every day, and make friends with them and get their contact information, exchange contact information, with no agenda. So I remember, you know, I had my goal, and I, you know, I had it done. And so I started, I said hello to somebody. And they kind of like, almost ignored me. And I'm like, Okay, well, maybe I just didn't even speak say loud enough or so I kind of strategically worked my way around and sort of got in front of them and, and said it again, or said something or whatever. And then the person said to me, no, abla Inglis, you know, like, like, he didn't speak English, right. So it wasn't like me, it wasn't that, you know, I did something wrong. It's just the person who didn't speak English. And it might have been another language I can't remember. But the point is, is that you just go out and you just take a step, take, you know, just try to try it. You might like it, you know, maybe maybe every day, say hello to make a goal to say hello to five people, if you're out and about if you're out, you know, out of the COVID lock down, say, say hello to five people just say hello, that's it. You know, if you're maybe you know, you want to do something on social media, you know, message message five people and asked to jump on a call, I don't know, just do something different. And try something. And yeah, I mean, there's no magic bullet here. You got to believe that it's going to be good. And you got to believe that there's something good is gonna come of it. And I'm telling you to has for me, and just try it.

Oh, yeah. And it is, it's a shift for some folks. Right. But especially, you know, a platform like LinkedIn. I mean, that's the, that's the perfect spot of people being open to that network side of things. And sure, there's, there's a, there's a ton of spam going in on and your, your DMS and all of that. But if you're really wanting to practice, heck, connect with those folks. Right up on a call with them, you know, sell them something when they're trying to sell you something. But there is, you know, I know when you and I connected to it was I think through Michelle Hecht that first introduced me to you and Cameron, and, and, you know, that's one thing that we discussed then is that we're, we're those folks are just like, hey, so and so says we should we should talk so we're gonna talk. Okay. Like, there's just not a there's not a question, right? And when you can do that, and I think that's a really easy, attainable goal for folks have even just think of it that way in terms of, hey, you're going to, you're going to reach out to three people already in your network, there's already a connection there, that you're in this same little world. And you just want to expand and get to know more people. And like so many things, whether it's sales or anything else, it's doing the wraps, you know, it's having those conversations and right. And then, you know, back full circle to what what you talked about so much is connecting authentically, when you show up to that conversation in an authentic way of just like, honestly, I'm horrible at this, like, I I want to be better at it. I would love to connect and have a conversation and just, you know, drop all the pretense and just show up that way from the very beginning. You'll be amazed that the amount of people were just like, Oh, that's awesome. I love it. That's and then you can dig in. Right? So true.

Yeah, it's absolutely true. And yes, I'm reading, rereading the book or re listening to the book, The Go Giver leader and in the book the the one of the characters There's, I think it's an owl, who happened to have a very great one of she was supposed to be very successful entrepreneur, and had a speaking career as well. And, and she said that she was in the very beginning, especially extremely nervous in front of her audience. And she said, What she did was when she started first first speech, the bond, she was so nervous bond, and then she made a decision, she's going to not do that. And she decided, I'm just gonna tell the audience listen, I just want to let you know, I'm super nervous. And she made a joke about it, I forget what she said, she said something like, I'm so nervous, I'm gonna, I'm actually going to close my eyes during this speech or something like that. And the let the audience laughed or something, I'm probably batching this but, but the point is that the audience was like, they were like, her biggest cheerleader, because she she was vulnerable, she admitted, and you know, and now she's comfortable, the audience is comfortable, just be just come as you are. And the other thing I like to speak about when I speak about the topic of going from inward focus, self focus to others focus is, Listen, you got to you got to start to believe your value, you're valuable. And you are right, you got to make sure you've convinced yourself of that you got to, and some of that's going to be you know, maybe some self development and personal development, it's going to be some self reflection. But I like to believe and I, and I'm not saying this in an arrogant way, Jason, but when I enter the room, when I get to speak to somebody, and as a privilege, I acknowledge the privilege. I like to believe I'm adding value in their life, I'm bringing something to the table when the way that when I when I'm in the conversation, I'm in the room, I like to think that rooms better. And I And again, I'm saying that not to sound arrogant, but I want the whoever's listening to this, to think about that and convince yourself not in a false egotistical way. But just believe you've got value you need you, you you got to believe that you can, you're bringing something to the table, whether it's your experience, whether it's your your perspective, whatever, right? So if you can believe that now you can once you kind of resolve and yourself, I'm okay. Which took me some way to be a long time real long time Jason for to get to a place in my life where I really felt that was okay. But was it and i My hope and pray to everyone listening to this is don't take as long as it took me. But once you get there, now you can go into conversations and be real and be authentic, and not have to worry about wow, if they find out about me. Oh, because, you know, I was the guy and you know, there's a great book called Mindset, it talks about growth mindset and, and fixed mindset, right? So it's those two things. And I was born the fixed mindset guy, a fixed mindset being I didn't want to make mistakes, I didn't want to be ridiculed. And I've learned to grow into more of a growth mindset so that it's okay to fail. It's okay to show your weakness, right. Because, you know, back again, it goes back to my formative years as a kid learning disabled and picked on all that the ridicule kind of shaped the fact that I didn't want to have to be in that type of situation again, but I've learned to get over that. And once I get over, once I've gotten over that now I can actually go and enjoy conversations be a blessing

to people. Yeah, and it's not a matter of some phony trying to convince yourself, it's a matter of focus, because I can just about guarantee you, to your point, Steve, that everyone listening, if they will focus on them, they have the things that they've been successful at however small or giant. And so much of the time, it is difficult for us to get to that place of feeling worthy. Because we're constantly looking for what we want to become or want to do, or the other person this. And when we should take that focus and shift it to Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess I have done that. I guess I've done that pretty well. Okay, well, okay, I can, like Oh, my head a little bit higher, you know, and walk in the room. And if you're, if you're somewhere and you have a seat at the table, you're walking into that room, or heck, especially if you've been asked to speak there's a reason you're there and like, focus on that part of it. And then when you combine that, with that realness with who you're front of, and when you are feeling nervous is like, sorry, I am always nervous that these things like, you know, and you just kind of let that out. We can all sit there and think about those folks we've listened to, and been in the audience for who have done that and like, I love them, you know, like you just that's what that's where the bond is formed. And again, I think it's a weird thing for folks to to think about that. The people who don't think about this up all the time, right? Who don't think about how can I communicate better? How can I listen better? How can I, you know, they don't think about this stuff all the time. And it may seem foreign to go. Like, it's maybe like another language to be purposeful with stuff that should just be human stuff, right? That's like saying, you know, we should just be good at relationships just because we're born. And know, they take work and their skill sets, and there's things that you know, that you have to do, you have to learn about and practice and do. And that's why I like to keep this at the at the forefront of, of conversation with folks. Because it is so rewarding. So quickly. You talk about, it's an interesting dynamic, right? Like, being outward focused, and not inward focused, but it's, it's a constant dance, right? It's, it's finding that you know, because when you can focus on others focus on even the way you put it, I have value to give to others in this room. That's a really great distinction, because that's the, I'm thinking about others. Well, I'm confident enough in myself that know that I have something to help them, right. But being inward focused enough to realize your strengths, your weaknesses, where you need to grow, what you need to do. And now when it comes time for action, okay, how can I help? Like what's, you know, we're gonna focus some of this, this attention. Just an interesting dance that is constantly going on, I think, well, I as

you're speaking, I'm thinking, Okay, let me think back to to the to the Steve from 234568 years ago, right. And I maybe this relates to some of your your listenership. But, you know, I think there's a, there's a part of people thinking, listening to this saying to themselves, yeah, but I don't have a lot like, you know, I don't read a lot of books or, you know, I don't, I'm not super smart, or I'm not. And whatever the whatever you're saying, whatever talk by the way, you could reprogram that reading, or just re re listen to a book called soundtracks. Great book. Highly recommended. And reprogramming your brownie cups, right? Yes, Johnny. Yeah, yeah. Just just fortunate. They just reconnected with me on LinkedIn. Hoping to try to get him on our show. We'll see. But, but anyway, he. But yeah, so you could continue program. But But what I want to say is this, if you just go into conversations, asking, genuinely interested in asking questions and asking about the person, and you don't have to be an expert on tennis, okay, maybe that's a topic they like to talk about. But by the way, just keep asking questions about why they're about tennis and just keep asking him. Number one, you're going to learn about tennis. So maybe the next time you are in a conversation, you'll know some things you could say. But more than that, you know, what I've learned, and I've read it in, you know, probably dozens of books, I think the one that one I read the most was on How to Win Friends and Influence People, where afterwards the person said, I think he was saying, I don't know, maybe two minutes worth of stuff. And the person he was speaking with was 98 minutes. And at the end, he heard feedback. Well, that gentleman was the most the best conversations I've ever spoken to me while he said two things two minutes worth of stuff. Because he was genuinely interested he was a listener. And so you could be you could be authentic, you could be a geek, you can be engaging you could be you could be you could add value, because let's be honest, people want to be able to be heard, they want to hear they want to know people want to hear their story. So don't feel like you're you have to be great. No, you're great. Don't Don't feel like you have to have all the stuff inside of you. And by the way, if you want to work on that, remember, it's it's hard to pour out of your glass until your glass is full. So keep filling your glass right with good stuff in right positive you know, good books, good good podcasts and audios make sure you're listening to Jason and subscribe to his channel and you know, feel free to come on ours and master connector that show as our as our XO website. But but get good stuff in. But in the meanwhile, understand that if he asked enough questions, you're genuinely interested in somebody else. That's going to be enough for them to feel valued and for you to feel you'll be connected. And again, they may ask you a little about you. That's okay. Answer it as much as you want or as little as you want and go back to them again. Right. Yeah.

And I want people to take that take this this point. really strongly because this isn't this isn't tactic time. This isn't just like, oh, okay, well, I want to be seen as awesome I'm gonna listen to like, I hope that people will really take this in as it takes the pressure off that it was intended, which is exactly what you're you're bringing out like you don't, it's not all on your shoulders, right? And I think Jay Abraham tells a similar story of, you know, middle of the night, meeting some guy in the bar. And, you know, he says nothing the entire time, you know, and then the next deal, he wants to do a business deal with Jay, because he's just a great student, because he was just there listening. But it also speaks to how rare that is, how rarely, people actually are sitting across from somebody who wants to listen will actually make them feel heard. To your point. It's, you know, it's a sad state, but but take it for the positive that it is, is that it allows you to stand out really quickly. Yeah, there's no doubt

people, people are hungry for that. They really want that. And if you if you fill that need, you'll be amazed.

Yeah, this is awesome. But I appreciate you being on it. And digging through here and bringing your expertise to this topic. I I love it so much. I'm so so passionate about connecting other people connecting with people, all that good stuff. How can people reach out to you and best way to find you? Everything?

Sure. Easiest is Steve spiro.com. That's a it's a, I've got a digital business card on lines, these people.com SBIR Oh, obviously and I also they're interested in having me as a speaker, they can go to Spiro hyphen global.com. And it's also a clickable link on the on the CS bureau.com. Connect with me on LinkedIn. Obviously, that's my, my social media of choice. But those are those are probably the easiest ways to go. But yeah, if you're listening, I'd love to connect with you. I'd love to see how it can be a value to you, and be a blessing to you.

Awesome. Thanks so much, Steve.

This is a privilege. I appreciate Jason's a great honor and privilege to be out with you.

Absolutely. We'll see you all next time. 

Steve Spiro Profile Photo

Steve Spiro

Master Connector

Steve Spiro started his first company right out of college in advertising. Additionally, he holds a 4th degree black belt in Karate & 1st degree in Jujitsu, including having his own Karate studio. Steve contributes much of his successes to a strong work ethic, a can-do, never-quit attitude, discipline, integrity and fearlessness that he cultivated in the martial arts. Steve is a master connector with over 17,000 contacts in his phones and over 16,000 connections on LinkedIn. He does a LinkedIn Live broadcast every week called the Master Connector Show. He eventually pivoted from advertising into technology and now is a business automation consultant. Steve is big on self-development and loves to inspire people to get out of their comfort zone too, through speaking engagements or coaching and mentoring.

The topics Steve likes to speak on are:
1. How to really connect
2. How do you go from inward and self-focused into others focused
3. Leveraging LinkedIn to grow your business
4. Overcoming big obstacles